i'm just a little girl lost in the moment

sori for the lack of updates. its because ive not been feeling myself lately. however today im gonna talk about my mom. i was actually contemplating whether i should be blogging about this issue or not. but i gotta let it out somewhere so here goes.

yesterday my mom was angry with us. real freaking angry. its due to us being lazy of not cleaning the house. yar i admit. we can be so lazy to the max (but we can be hardworking if we want to). by cleaning she means must use cloth and wipe the dust lah blah blah blah. she always asked us to do this everytime she saw us lazing around. she dont like to see us not doing anything even on a holiday. my god. den yesterday she flared up. wtf lah. she said she dun wanna talk to us anymore. SHE SAID IT. not us ouhk. i was shocked lah. but come to think of it, she seldom talk to us nicely. like if we tried to make small lil conversations, she will either not respond or answered in an angry tone. i dun like sey when she uses dat tone. lermak.. geram sey. but we never say anything coz we respect her. shes still a mother anyway.

so, i thought my father will side us. but noo... he added salt to the wound. baek ar. now its my parents against us. bagos ar korg. my father nie smangat 5min je. cnfm if my mom scold him, he will side us back. wadeva lah. seriously i cant be bothered by them anymore. i had enuff of their constant nagging and unsupportive attitude. all i have now is my sisters. thank god we are close. im really touched by my 3rd sis words. "you can say about anything, but dont hurt my sisters" thanks ar sis. i love you guys!! seriously.. now i feel that we only got each other. sheesh. how sad it is to be in this family.

my mom even said that she dun even wanna live with either one of us in the future. siak btol. sori ar but im really angry ar. mak sendiri ckp cam gini. and she kept repeating you know. ive been respecting her the whole 19yrs of my life and since yesterday, my respect for her is gone. i still respect her though but not 100%. like the saying goes, you need to give respect to gain one.

we never had a real mother-daughter bonding before where we talked about whats going on with our life. we never talked to her about BGR before. i tink she cant be bothered. sedih lah sey.

i really envy my cousin's mom. shes so nice. and she showered her children with unconditional love eventhough their behaviour is like us lah eh, no doubt abt it. why cant my mom be like dat. so much of us always planning on what to get her this mother's day. but seriously, ever since the pregnancy issue done by some stupid teenagers in the newspaper, she had changed her attitude towards us. in her eyes, we are one of them. sometimes she talks without thinking. and she got the cheek to say dat about us. lantak lah. she wans to hate us? i got no say. i just want everything to end. and back to normal.

as im typing this, my eyes are welled up with tears. omg. lately ive been so emo lah. i cant hear sad songs or else i will cry. i must be kept distracted and occupied all the time, if not i will cry again. im such a weakling lah.