i feel so bothered.
have you ever sit and think of what is in store for you in life? sometimes i wonder what is the purpose of me being in this world. what is actually my mission that i have to achieve to bring back to my afterlife. sorry, im trying not to be pessismist but right now im feeling at my worst state.
just now after my prayers, i just broke down. seriously i dont know whats wrong with me. actually maybe i do, but im just scared. im scared that i cant achieve what i want in life. i have plans on what to be done but to put it into practise i dont think i can do it by myself.
somehow i feel so pressurised. its like i have to be the best in everybody's eyes. i may look like im coping well, but only ALLAH knows the struggle im facing through. im not saying that my parents are not helping me, but i no longer depend on them anymore. i dont want to be a burden to them. thats why eversince i started working, i paid for my own expenses.
like i told myself countless times, im tired of trying. im tired of trying to be someone i cant be. i need time to sort my mind. i feel like as though im just a wallpaper. i have no mind of my own. i just go with the flow. and that sucks. fuck the flow that im suppose to follow. bullshit ah sume nie. if you dont have a plan, what flow are you following? nonsense.
if only i can just get away from everything else. if only i can just tell someone whats actually bothering me. but i cant. they just wont understand. sometimes all i need is a listening ear. someone who can comfort me, telling me that everything is gonna be okay.
now im just staring at the comp screen blankly. nothing is running in my head. thats because i choose not to think of anything. tired ah seriously. sometimes.. when i see people happy, i feel a bit envious. why cant i be like them? why eh? what is wrong with me that i cant deserve that happiness in my life? have i done something majorly wrong that i deserved to be punished this way. jahat sangat ke aku nie? buat baik kat org salah, tk buat baik kat org pon salah.
my heart is heavy sey right now.
YA ALLAH, tolonglah hamba mu ini =(
have you ever sit and think of what is in store for you in life? sometimes i wonder what is the purpose of me being in this world. what is actually my mission that i have to achieve to bring back to my afterlife. sorry, im trying not to be pessismist but right now im feeling at my worst state.
just now after my prayers, i just broke down. seriously i dont know whats wrong with me. actually maybe i do, but im just scared. im scared that i cant achieve what i want in life. i have plans on what to be done but to put it into practise i dont think i can do it by myself.
somehow i feel so pressurised. its like i have to be the best in everybody's eyes. i may look like im coping well, but only ALLAH knows the struggle im facing through. im not saying that my parents are not helping me, but i no longer depend on them anymore. i dont want to be a burden to them. thats why eversince i started working, i paid for my own expenses.
like i told myself countless times, im tired of trying. im tired of trying to be someone i cant be. i need time to sort my mind. i feel like as though im just a wallpaper. i have no mind of my own. i just go with the flow. and that sucks. fuck the flow that im suppose to follow. bullshit ah sume nie. if you dont have a plan, what flow are you following? nonsense.
if only i can just get away from everything else. if only i can just tell someone whats actually bothering me. but i cant. they just wont understand. sometimes all i need is a listening ear. someone who can comfort me, telling me that everything is gonna be okay.
now im just staring at the comp screen blankly. nothing is running in my head. thats because i choose not to think of anything. tired ah seriously. sometimes.. when i see people happy, i feel a bit envious. why cant i be like them? why eh? what is wrong with me that i cant deserve that happiness in my life? have i done something majorly wrong that i deserved to be punished this way. jahat sangat ke aku nie? buat baik kat org salah, tk buat baik kat org pon salah.
my heart is heavy sey right now.
YA ALLAH, tolonglah hamba mu ini =(
